Most of the movies we watch and songs we hear are about love in some way or another. Most people say that love is the most important thing in life. But what exactly do you mean by that?
Is love a feeling? Do I have to wait to find the right person to love? Or is love a decision? Does love happen suddenly (love at first sight) or does it develop over time?
What distinguishes a person I love from a person I don’t love? Do I treat him/ her better and more lovingly? It would be logical … but if I look at many marriages and long term relationships in this way, I have the impression that the person who is closest to us, the one we love the most, we treat the worst. Is that love?!?
What is it that makes love?
Before I started my relationship with Gyan, I often traded intimacy and s*x for the feeling of being loved. A quick fix for feeling unloved inside.
Over the years with Gyan, this inner emptiness got filled up and I slowly learned to trust and love myself, without having to be perfect, out of fear he might leave me.
Even the opposite, the more we got to know each other, the more authentic we became, the stronger our love grew.
Yes, I actually believe that love can be learned … that love is a decision and not chance, fate or luck.
For me personally, love means accepting and accepting others as they are – with all their rough edges, with their weaknesses and mistakes, with their fears and anger, with their past and their injuries. And at the same time allowing myself to be me…. with all my facets – loving and tender, reflective and conscious, creative and enthusiastic, but also wild and loud, goal-oriented and pushy, dominant and grumpy, insecure and anxious, sexy and exhausted…
Gyan is holding me so beautifully, powerfully in all that I am.
That is what love is all about for me.
The ability to hold others and myself in all that we are. Seeing them for who they are and not for who you want them to be.
For me that is also the link to self-love. I can only love (accept) another person as much as I love myself. As long as there are still aspects that I condemn in myself, my partner and many other people around me (parents, boss, colleagues, acquaintances, “enemies”) I will continuously “have” to learn to become more gentle, more loving, more accepting. And those are the moments when I have a choice. I can choose to judge the person, criticize them, complain about them and convince myself and others that I’m right … or I can choose love and try to accept the person as they are and take my own responsibility in the midst of it.
I believe that through love we can experience healing, growth and become “whole” as a being. Authentic in ourselves.
What is love for you? And what does it mean for you in everyday life if you love someone?
Suriya Nitschke is a holistic sexuality and intimacy coach, Tantra teacher and author of the book “Blossoming into Bliss”. She teaches not only transformative Tantric lovemaking but also exquisite tools to empower your intimate life and open you towards deep transformative orgasms. Her course (Sacred Yoni Massage) will help you and your partner bring back the spark of your relationship and achieve a whole new level of sexual intimacy and lovemaking.